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By Gordon Clay

Sex can be a wonderful way of getting close to another human being. It can be an expression of love and caring, an experience of safety and intimacy. It can make life richer, warmer, easier. It can help a person remember the truly benign nature of human beings. Sex can be a place where each partner can show herself or himself more fully than usual and experience being accepted and loved deeply. Sex can be fun.

Unfortunately, most people do not experience sex in this way very often, if ever. In order to experience even some of the benefits of sex, people will endure many difficulties, overlook many unsolved problems.

It appears that almost everyone has been badly hurt in the area of sex. ("Abusers" are simply people who were badly abused as children themselves.)

Sex is not as important as it is made to seem. However, capitalist societies manipulate people to keep them preoccupied with sex, to keep them feeling bad about themselves, and to keep them buying products they wouldn't want otherwise.

Human beings need closeness, touching, and loving. In present societies people are taught that sex is the only acceptable way to fully meet these needs. However, these needs can be met without sex. Many Clearing the Air graduates' experience has been that as they become able to cuddle, touch and be close, often with many people in their lives, preoccupation with sex diminishes or disappears. Thus sex loses much of its false "importance."

Difficulties with sex are also an indication of unhealed hurts. These hurts often impose severe limitations on other areas of our functioning. Hurts in the area of sex can affect our sense of power, well-being, confidence, trust, creativity, and physical mobility along with our ability to choose, to desire, to think clearly, to set up good relationships, to be close.

This is not an intellectual concept. Full recovery of one's complete humanness requires releasing the unhealthy behaviors which have become attached to sex by developing a clear reference point within the body of non-sexual intimacy.

Sex is not essential to our well-being, closeness is.

* How Stan Dale spells intimacy - in-2-me-u-c.

See More

Dance with the Beloved
Open-hearted, Non-sexual Intimacy and it's importance in Clearing the Air Between Women & Men and Beyond
Fundamentals of Co-counseling
The Right One Won’t Be Bothered By Your Flaws, Weirdness And Your Overthinking Mind


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Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distance exists, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them. - Rainer Maria Rilke (translated by Stephen Mitchell)


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